Getting Your Partner Involved in the Birth Experience
How to Encourage Support and Involvement from Your Spouse in Birth
From the moment that test shows positive, our bodies embark on a tumultuous emotional roller coaster. For many of us, the shock and excitement become contagious to everyone around us. For others, we walk a very pensive and contemplative path as we process the fact that we are creating and carrying new life. The way we respond from baby to baby can also be different. Our partners also go through their own rollercoaster of acceptance. Some are super eager and excited to welcome a baby, while others need time to get used to the idea altogether. One great way to connect is by getting your partner involved in the experience. It can be a way for them to feel grounded and intentional about this new season of parenting you will both be entering. While it may be easier for us when the baby is growing inside our body to feel connected to the journey, there are some powerful ways to get your spouse or partner involved, leading them to a more fulfilled experience with birth too.
So the question starts with HOW? How can I help my partner be a part of this process?
By Learning More About Birth
There are a lot of ways to learn about birth. Your partner may be a reader so offer them books or articles to read - "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simpkin is amazing and an easy read that feels like a friendly guide, offering real talk and practical tips tailored for partners to know what’s going on throughout the whole process. Another gem is "Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth," This one can be great to read together. It’s filled with birth stories that are inspiring and reveal a lot about the different ways birth can unfold naturally.
For a hands-on experience, consider signing up for a birth class with your partner. Classes go beyond learning and offer a chance to bond over the excitement and maybe share a laugh or two with others in a similar season of life. It's a positive, uplifting way to feel more prepared and supported. And for your partner to not feel alone in their journey of processing.
By Dreaming Together
Dreaming together about the future with your baby can be a powerful way to strengthen your relationship and feel more ready for the season ahead. For new parents, this process may feel instinctive or it may take practice, start with the little things like baby names and grow from there.
One invaluable piece of advice, especially for new moms or partners who like to be “in control”, is to embrace openness. Let go of any rigid expectations you might be holding for yourself, your partner, or the little one on the way. Creating a space of love and openness for these dreams is crucial. Without it, it’s easy for one partner to disconnect and feel “not a part” of the experience. If your goal is to get your partner more involved then make space for their ideas to be heard too and weave a blended dream for your family together.
By Creating a Birth Plan Together
Crafting your birth plan together is a powerful way for you both to feel a part of the experience and the outcome of your birth journey. This process isn't about ticking boxes; it's a chance for both partners to get on the same page and start communicating any questions or curiosities they have about birth with someone they trust. It can be a great way to dialogue with your care provider as well and stay connected when decisions arise. Let your partner have a voice as well so they can feel confident and safe in advocating for you when the time comes or if urgent support arises. If they have fears examine them together and communicate through them so you both can feel peace about each step along the way.
By Planning on Physical Connection in Labor
An empowering way for your partner to play a crucial role is by understanding their unique contribution to the birthing space. Dive into the practical realm of physical support, practicing birthing positions, hip squeezes, and maybe even some soothing pregnancy massages. While connecting physically might feel like second nature for many couples, it can feel different when you are in the labor room or surrounded by a medical team. Partners may feel a tad shy or uncertain. Practicing together before labor can be a game-changer. It builds your partner’s confidence to step in and figure out how best to support you physically and may help you identify potential ways that would feel more relieving. Make this a part of your birth plan discussion or you may go over these during your birth class. Your partner, being intimately aware of your needs, holds a unique position. They understand you on a level that no nurse or care provider ever could. Their touch could bring a feeling of safety and support while the touch of anyone else could cause tension or worry. So get involved and plan on getting physical!
By Planning on Emotional Connection in Labor
Some birthing bodies may prefer not to be touched throughout labor, but I promise the universal desire is to feel emotionally seen and supported. However, it can be challenging for partners to discern exactly how to engage emotionally amidst the chaos of labor and birth. And it can be extra hard in a new setting like the hospital to feel present and comfortable. This is why preparing and exploring different ideas for finding emotional connection no matter what’s going on around you will be incredibly beneficial. Some ideas would be to memorize and share birth affirmations out loud or in a whisper or listen to meditation tracks to find common ways to help each other find calm. Or it could be as simple as a code word that tells your partner to kick everyone out of the room so you two can be 100% alone.
Some couples don’t even need all that, they just need a partner standing there ready to say something if needed, a partner who understands your needs, and without saying much is still attuned to your unspoken cues. Having a conversation about this beforehand is immensely powerful, granting partners the confidence to be equal participants in the birth journey. Together, you can navigate any birth setting as a grounded and connected team, leading the way and taking up the space you deserve.
By Giving Them a Role or a List
